The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

 

 

The Four Agreements

By Don Miguel Ruiz

A lot of people have very favorable things to say about this book.  They like the style and the information.  I think I would have appreciated the style more several years ago.  At the same time the four “agreements” are things that I believe are important and good guidelines for living. 

It feels rather contrived for me.  Like someone was trying to take a few simple truths and give them a frame that would show that this was “ancient wisdom.”  Aren’t the ideas important enough?

 “Everything in existence is a manifestation of the one living being we call God…

Human perception is merely light perceiving light…. Matter is a mirror… The world of illusion, the Dream, is just like smoke which doesn’t allow us to see what we really are… I am God.  But you are also God.  We are the same, you and I.”  

Yes, but… it’s just so overwrought.  Maybe I’m just not in the right frame of mind right now but it doesn’t work for me.

 “The dream of the planet is the collective dream of billions of smaller, personal dreams, which together create a dream of a family, a dream of a community, a dream of a city, a dream of a county, and finally a dream of the whole humanity.”

Okay, I’m with you, there’s a collective consciousness at work creating reality.

“We never had the opportunity to choose what to believe or what not to believe.   Children believe everything adults say.”  

Well, I don’t believe that.  Not my child.  How many times a day do I make a statement and my 3 year old tells me, “No, silly!”  And what about criminals who go against societal beliefs?

“The outside dream may hook our attention, but if we don’t agree, we don’t store that information.  As soon as we agree, we believe it, and this is called faith.  To have faith is to believe unconditionally.”

I believe those two statements contradict each other.  We couldn’t choose what to believe but we had to agree in order to store the information?  So we did have a choice.

“We try to please Mom and Dad, we try to please the teachers at school, we try to please the church, and so we start acting.  We pretend to be what we are not because we are afraid of being rejected.”

Yes, we see that all the time, in ourselves and teens.  Ah, but you see, many have been rejected from the start for something that they couldn’t control, so where does that leave them?  Perhaps with more freedom to reject that which they do not believe.  Creative people are survivors.  Perhaps they are creative because they weren’t afraid of being punished because they were being punished no matter what they did.

The author talks about self-fulfilling prophecies as spells we cast with the word and the power of the word. 

“An example: I see a friend and give him an opinion that just popped into my mind.  I say, “Hmmm!  I see that kind of color in your face in people who are going to get cancer.”  If he listens to the word, and if he agrees, he will have cancer in less than one year.  That is the power of the word.”

Or is it just self-fulfilling prophecy?  We are all probably walking around with cancer cells, some grow fast and some grow slow.  If we are worried about it and go to doctors insisting they look for it, they will.  But if we only look for problems caused by it, maybe they never will. 

So the wisdom boils down to four pieces.

Be impeccable with your word. – I think this is probably the easiest one.  Think before you speak, mean what you say and be kind with your words. But maybe it’s not that simple for everyone.  And I’m not perfect at it either.

Don’t take anything personally. – Hah!  Easier said than done, but definitely good advice.

Don’t make assumptions. – So very true. Don’t put subtext to what people say.  Ask and clarify.

Always do your best.  He acknowledges that it’s a relative statement.  At any given time, I might feel I could have done something more.  I often feel that way.  However, given the time constraints on our lives and various factors, I really couldn’t have done more.  Plus, we all fail sometimes.

Okay, this is a good book to give someone graduating from high school.  It has some important truths but the framework is so contrived that it’s bound to annoy a lot of people who already know these things.  You’ll have to decide for yourself on this one.  I only made it part way through.