Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern

Sh*t My Dad Says
By Justin Halpern

I was browsing the shelves one day in the humor section, looking for a pick me up, when I found Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern and took it to lunch.  I’m not sure that was a safe thing to do because laughing and eating often end in choking, but I did it and I enjoyed the book thoroughly. 

As the title suggests, the book is not for the easily offended.  His Dad absolutely uses language constantly that is bound to offend some people, but it’s also incredibly funny.

“For as long as I’ve known him, my father has been a blunt individual.  When I was little, I mostly felt terrified of him, so I couldn’t appreciate that I was dealing with the least passive-aggressive human being on the planet.”

Of course, the idea that his father is simply blunt is a gross understatement but the fact that he is remarkably non passive-aggressive is a good way to think of it.  His father says what is on his mind, good or bad.  He gets it out and then it’s over.

If you want to check out some of his Dad’s latest and greatest one liners, Tumblr makes them available at http://shitmydadsays.tumblr.com/ or they are on Twitter at http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays. 

“On My First Day of Kindergarten – You thought it was hard?  If Kindergarten is busting your ass, I got some bad news for you about the rest of life.”

While most of what you see online is in the form of one liners, his book, short though it is as 158 pages, takes the one liners into the short story length and has a bit more poignancy to it like the time his father helped teach another boy baseball, or the time he goes nuts because Justin doesn’t show up to help him with a project.  When Justin finally shows up, his Dad yells at him then hugs him and says, “I can’t wait till you have some kid and you got to worry about what happens to him.  You never stop worrying about your children.  It sucks.”

There are some truly hilarious stories too, like the time his father thought there was a burglar in the kitchen, got his gun and army crawled to the kitchen (naked) but it was only Justin’s aunt getting a midnight snack. 

Don’t worry, there are also some of his best one-liners at the end of each chapter.

“On Aging – Mom and I saw a great movie last night… No, I don’t remember the name.  It was about a guy or, no, wait, fuck.  Getting old sucks.”

It reminds me of Maxine from Hallmark Greetings or Walter from Jeff Dunham’s stand up comedy.  If you enjoy either of them, you’ll enjoy this book.  I sure did.