The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life by Martha Beck

The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life
By Martha Beck

This morning I was at a workshop focused on recognizing and coping with stress.  Many of the strategies that I use came out of this wonderful little book by Martha Beck and then it occurred to me that I hadn't done a book review of it here. 

Several years ago I picked up the book The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life by Martha Beck. It's a tiny little book but it holds so much humor and wisdom.  I incorporated it into my life at that time and it truly helped me put what was most important to me center stage in my life, define goals and take towards making it a reality.  I still do a few things she recommends on an regular basis but I think working more consciously with all these steps could be just what I need in my life. 

One of the hardest steps, though it sounds easy, is the first - to do fifteen minutes of NOTHING every day. We are so inundated with things to do that it may be more difficult than you think to find fifteen minutes all to yourself to quiet your mind. Of course, you can never really completely quiet your mind. The point is to watch your thoughts go by without getting drawn into the emotions they usually create. My boss is being a real jerk today! Mmm-hmm, that's nice dear. Just watch your thoughts float by like a leaf floating down a stream. The point is to detach from them so you can relax.  I found doing this on paper, ala Julia Cameron's "Morning Pages" was a great way to go for a writer.

The second step is to create or find a moment of TRUTH every day. We tend to assume that the things we are telling ourselves are true. The truth may be vastly different and yet those thoughts are creating our feelings! We dig a little deeper to find the truth so that we can be more productive. I have felt my mood elevate just by acknowledging what I am saying to myself and recognizing how I have made something seem worse than it really is.

The third step is to figure out what we DESIRE. So many times we divorce ourselves from what we really want in our lives because we think it just isn't realistic, that we're never going to get it. "I'll never find someone to love so I should just stop wanting it." But that doesn't make the desire go away, it just submerges it so that it becomes a deep-seated source of discontent. Might as well acknowledge what we want, figure out if it's something we really want, then start figuring out how to get it. Which brings us to our next step.

CREATIVITY. Most of the time we're not going to get what we really want by doing the same old things we've always done. It's time to get creative and come up with some ideas. Martha has a phrase for it that I really like, "force innovation." You create lists of ways to get what you want, from reasonable to illegal. The point is to brainstorm ideas, not necessarily to do them.

Next comes RISK. It's often going to take a risk to get what you really want. If you break it down into the smallest step you can possibly take every day, you can overcome the fear and actually take the step. Put up the profile on the dating site, send the manuscript to the editor, send your resume off to the company.

Then you can get to the TREATS. Just like training any lab animal, you're going to have to reward yourself into taking action if you're going to keep it up. Martha teaches you how to figure out what a treat is for you and to give yourself permission to have them. (Yes, some people need permission to treat themselves well.) Some of mine include listening to music, petting my cat and good coffee. It's anything that sparks a smile for you. The real trick is to recognize them as treats and take full pleasure in them.

The ability to PLAY is something most of us figure we have to give up at some point. What Martha is suggesting is a change in perspective about what you do every day. Once you realize what your purpose is in life, you can see that everything else you do is simply a game you are playing to make your real purpose in life possible. It's not such a big deal. Martha has a shortcut to figuring out what your purpose is. Think about September 11, 2001. What did you do that night? It's probably related in some way to your life purpose. I wrote a fictional story about a woman who lost her husband in the towers, but then I've always known my purpose is to write. Yours may not be quite so literal.

Ever since Norman Vincent Peale, we've all known that LAUGHTER is a powerful form of medicine. Really, is there anything better for lifting your mood? Sometimes I trip over it and sometimes I have to go looking. I take myself over to Pinterest and look at the Geek board at least every other day. I adore funny movies and books. I recently found the Sweet Potato Queen books and I have not laughed so hard at a book in ages. It relieves stress and lowers your blood pressure. I'm learning to laugh instead of getting angry when something goes wrong. Martha suggests you should be getting at least 30 LPDs (Laughs Per Day.) I'd say it's a fun thing to strive for.

CONNECTION is perhaps the most important of the Joy Diet steps. It requires that you use the first five steps in dealing with at least one other person every day. We all know that solitary confinement is a punishment. There's a vast difference between being alone with yourself and being lonely. We need other people in our lives, but more than that, we need to feel connected to other people. A lot of people don't know how to truly connect with others, or they're afraid of the pain that doing so will inevitably bring them.

Yes, being connected to other people will bring you pain. They will do things that hurt you or you might be left behind at some point. The point is that by being connected to other people, you'll be better able to endure the pain life throws your way. Martha says that, "even as your heart breaks, you'll find that it always breaks open." You'll have a network of connections to call on in your time of need.

The last step simply sounds joyful, FEASTING. I close my eyes and picture large groups of people talking and laughing, sitting around and enjoying each other's company, with music and food and drink. But feasting doesn't require other people. It doesn't even require food. Feasting is about the attention you give to whatever activity you are engaging in so that it is set apart from other daily activities. One of the most important aspects of feasting is ritual. Most people think of a church service or a family saying grace before dinner, but it can also mean getting into comfy clothes, making popcorn, and getting cozy on the sofa with a blanket before starting a movie. The actions set what you are about to do apart from the rest of the day.

You can feast on sights, sounds, touch, movement or even sleep. It's something that feeds you physically, emotionally, intellectually or spiritually. Some of my favorite feasts involve watching a movie that inspires or makes me think, listening to peepers in the warm spring air late at night or washing my hands in warm water with honey scented soap. Then you give thanks. Feel your gratitude for this feast, whomever you direct it to, God, the universe or yourself. Being grateful for the good things gives us something to hold onto when things aren't going so well.

Of course, there's a lot more to all of this than I've been able to say in just this post but I hope it gives you the idea. This little book is packed with humor and information. Just reading it is a feast and will help you get your laughs for several days.  I've only been able to give you a taste here. I highly recommend you get the book for yourself and give it a try. Check it out at the library if you're not sure you want to spend the money on it. I did, and ended up buying it for myself. I'm so glad to have it on my bookshelf. I hope it enriches your life too.

Prey by Michael Crichton

Prey

By Michael Crichton

Jack has been a stay at home dad for the last few months, ever since he got fired for exposing inappropriate behavior at work in a superior.  He has three kids but don’t feel too sorry for him, he still has a housekeeper.  His wife, Julia, is working a lot at the company, Xymos, where she’s a vice-president and has begun acting strangely.  Is it just the stress, or something else? 

Julia comes home one night and the baby is soon sick, turning a bright red and screaming.  Jack takes the baby to the emergency room where they can’t find a cause but during an MRI the machine breaks down and the baby’s symptoms simply go away.  The next day the baby looks bruised but is completely happy.

Julia’s strange behavior continues, even staying out all night without calling home.  She accuses Jack of undermining her with the children and he fears they are headed for a divorce when she is in a car accident.

Just before the accident, Jack’s former place of work calls him to see if he will come back to work because they are having trouble with a program he created which they contracted to… Xymos.

Jack takes the job.  He needs the work and he needs to know what has been happening out at the fabrication plant, where Julia has been spending so much of her time.

Crichton is a well-known author, from his first bestseller, The Andromeda Strain, to his last novel, Micro, finished after Crichton’s death by Richard Preston.  Crichton was a well-known producer, director and screenwriter.  He held a degree in anthropology and a doctorate in medicine, and is best known for cautionary scientific tales. 

Crichton often focused on the exponential growth of technology, how things are changing faster and faster, and the lack of human understanding and caution in dealing with those evolving technologies. 

His writing is often classified as techno-thriller.  The books are simple story lines, fast paced and rely on quite a bit of scientific explanation to make them interesting. 

Prey was my first Crichton novel and I will definitely read and listen to more on CD.  I would recommend them to anyone who enjoys an interesting tale told at a fast pace, extrapolating from scientific facts and asking “what if?”

Homeless Bird by Gloria Whelan

Homeless Bird

By Gloria Whelan

Koly is only thirteen when her parents manage to scrape together a dowry and arrange a marriage for her to a young man, Hari.  Her father is a man of words, writing letters for others who do not know how, but it pays little.  There is simply not enough food for everyone in the family. 

Her Maa and Baap arrange a marriage for her and take her to her new family’s village, but Hari is younger than they were told and very ill.  The marriage was only arranged so Hari's parents could use the dowry money to take their son to the Ganges, hoping for a miracle cure.

When the boy dies, Koly becomes little more than a servant in the house to her shrewish mother-in-law.  Life is difficult but her new sister-in-law and her father-in-law are very kind to her.  He actually teaches her to read.  When he dies of a heart attack, though, her mother-in-law takes her to the city of widows, Vrindavan. 

After, a few long days and nights, Koly is lucky to be given a place in a home for widows and a job stringing marigolds.  Her talent for embroidery, learned from her mother, enables her to build an even better life for herself and, eventually, the young man who falls in love with Koly.

Gloria Whelan captures the voice of Koly beautifully and tells an intriguing but simple tale in this book.  It provides a window into a changing world, where one young woman uses her talents and a bit of luck to thrive. 

I will admit that this is a young adult book, it won the 2000 National Book Award for Young People’s Literature, but I highly recommend it for anyone interested in an easy way to learn about an aspect of another society.  It is a quick read filled with beautiful prose and a little romance.